Vert and Toky were a bundle of nerves. The contest to see who would remain
a 2x teleconverter and who would undergo the frontal lobotomy was to proceed
despite cries of protests from the camera bag.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE MAIN EVENT" cried the announcer. "In
this corner, wearing blue trunks, is Vert, the Vivitar teleconverter. In
the other corner, wearing yellow trunks is Toky the Tokina teleconverter.
Tonight's event is a multipart contest to see who gets to stay intact as a
teleconverter. The loser must have his elements removed to become an
auto-extension tube. CONTESTANTS, ARE YOU READY?"
Thus began the evening. Cheers and boos eminated from the grandstands as
Vert and Toky warmed up and talked with their coaches. The first event was
a strength event.
"First up is Toky. Toky, mount yourself to this 200/2.8 and OM-1. Now, you
got a good grip? Great. OK, Killer, come here and shake them up a bit."
The metal mounts of the Tokina and heavy duty construction kept the lens and
OM-1 perfectly alligned and didn't flex at all. Toky returned to his corner
sweaty but confident.
The crowds cheered his success and then cheered even louder as Vert stood up
to take his turn at the flex test. "What's this, Vert. You having a
problem?" Vert's plasticy mount didn't want to align itself with the camera
body correctly and caused a minor delay while he attempted to attach
properly. Jeers erupted from the stands as the crowd was disappointed with
this botched mounting. Finally, Vert stood up ready for Killer to come and
shake them around a bit. The plastic construction of Vert was no match to
this test. The 200/2.8 lens flexed all over and even a gap developed in the
teleconverter/lens mount. "TWEEEEEET" went the whistle and the referees
jumped in and stopped the test. The flexing so frightened the judges that
they were afraid that somebody was going to get hurt.
Poor Vert wobbled back to his corner to rest. He knew that he wasn't
strong, but he wasn't expecting such a humiliating loss. Toky stood up and
the cheering rose to a new cresendo.
"Shame, shame, Vert. Maybe you can do better at the next event. Let's see
who can make their way through this obsticle course." Vert and Toky line up
and wait for the starter gun to fire. "BANG!" They were off. The first
obsticle was the tires in which Toky managed to get through first with very
fancy footwork, but Vert caught back up once they got to the wall. Going
through the culvert, Vert took the lead as Toky's larger size kept getting
him stuck. The last obsticle was a walk across lily pads. Vert's light
weight kept him out of the water but Toky sunk right away. Crossing the
finish line first, Vert was clearly the winner of the size/weight event by a
huge margin. Drying off, Toky conceeded that he really was quite heavy.
"...but, I am stronger..." he kept muttering as they returned to their
corners.
"Next event is to see who is sharper. The one with a sharper image will be
the winner of this event." So Vert and Toky mount themselves up to a
100/2.8 and proceed to see who can resolve the best image. As they chop
their way through a pile of lumber, Vert pulls ahead when cutting the middle
of the pile but falls behind Toky when working on the edges. Must be the
longer length of the extension tube that results in less distortion, muses
the audience. This contest ends in a draw as neither contestent is clearly
a winner.
Vert and Toky next head over to a table where they must draw a picture with
a selection of Crayons. Whoever has the best "color" wins this event. Toky
is upset since he is too embarrased to play with "children's toys", but Vert
goes at his picture with gusto. Five minutes later the whistle blows and
the judges closely examine the results. Again, the contest is close, but
Vert edges out Toky with a slightly warmer image.
The next event was a gymnastic event known as "The Rings." Which
teleconverter would fit into the tripod mount that was removed from the dead
400/5.6 lens? Vert tried and tried to slip into the ring to no avail. No
matter how much huffing and puffing little Vert did didn't matter as the
"suit" just didn't fit. Toky, nervously attempted the same test and just
barely slipped the ring on. The tightening screw dug deep into the rubber
skin of Toky, but the grip was strong and solid.
Waiting for the results of the contest, Vert went back into the dressing
room for a minute to cry. He was suffering a tremendous setback and knew
that the end was near. No way could he compete with Toky. Granted, Vert
was probably a slightly better lens, but Toky could do anything. Vert's old
buddy, Lenny Lenscap came down to comfort him but also knew that Vert's
chances were pretty slim.
Toky was watching the judges tally the scores. He was nervous, but he
didn't show it.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!" cried the announcer. Toky and
Vert assembled in the center of the Arena waiting the results. "The winner
is...."
Just then the earth shook as what appeared to be an earthquake hit the
arena. Judges, contestants, and spectators all dove for cover as lights
exploded and fell to the ground. "IT'S GODZILLA!!!" a yell came from the
movie-going crowd, "NO, IT'S AN ASTEROID!!!" said others, "YOU ARE ALL
WRONG, IT'S THE OWNER!!!!!!!" "Aaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!" they cried as everybody
tried escaping the collapsing building.
A firm hand grabbed Vert and Toky as the voice said "you two are coming with
me--NOW!"
Meanwhile, deep in the shadows, a stranger was watching and putting together
a plan...
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