Well I have to agree you're skating on thin ice.
Both my husband and I have expensive hobbies. We love gadgets. He loves
computers and all things gaming and I love computers and all things
photographic. For the most part we are supportive of each others' hobbies,
in fact 990f the time. On rare occasions one of us will give each other
"the look" but probably not often enough. Yes we are supportive of our
expensive hobbies. And yes we can't afford a house or a car or a pension.
Maybe "the look" is a "let's remember we have a lot of things that require
our resources" reminder rather than a put down as you seem to naturally
assume it is. Perhaps you would be "put down" less if you didn't naturally
assume when a female disagrees with you over something, it may be because
she cares or feels a need to be the financially responsible one rather than
because she hates you or men. I'm sorry you've had such a terrible time with
women, perhaps if you switched tack to a bit more understanding and empathy
you'd have an easier time. And I'm personally sorry that ever-so-slight
reminders of fiscal responsibility put you in such a pro-male frenzy.
Speaking as a woman I'm all for males getting mental stimulation --
intelligence is extremely important to me in a relationship. But bear in
mind if it means exchanging that for a higher quality of life, maybe "the
look" is the most loving thing a partner can give.
> Date: Sun, 10 Mar 2002 08:42:26 +1300
> From: "Brian Swale" <bj@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
> Subject: [OM] OM OT "The LOOK"
>
> Hi Fellow Zuiks,
>
> I'm going to skate over thin ice here. (For those who have difficulty with
> English language idiom, that means "do something perilous".)
>
> It pains me to read as I do sometimes on this list, about people (and lets
> face it, it's mainly guys) being intimidated in regard to following a hobby.
>
> Now; I know that different societies have different ideas of what is
> acceptable
> behaviour. What is OK here, may not be OK there, and so on. I could maybe
> be called a misogynist; my marriage is of low quality and I don't care. I'm
> not
> prepared to meekly put up with being "put down" and disrespect. So what I
> write now has to be read with those qualifications in mind.
>
> What I see in society these days is that it is Politically Correct to "put
> down"
> men in all walks of life, in all endeavours. It's worst in teaching; here in
> NZ,
> there is a constant call for more male teachers; that society is being
> impoverished and twisted through boy pupils not having male role models in
> their teachers. But you see what happens to any male who dares to put their
> name forward as a kindergarten teacher, or a "new entrant" teacher. They are
> treated as if they are a child molester who has dared to"come out of the
> closet" - that there must be something queer in their mental makeup. It is
> not sufficient for them to say that they like kids and working with them.. And
> any older male who is forced to take a change of career and wants to try
> teaching, especially is treated with the utmost scorn and turned away before
> getting a foot in the door.
>
> So - what's wrong with having photography as a serious hobby?
>
> Sometimes it is that the hobby is treated as a challenge, another love, by
> the wife who sees it as a rival to be put down immediately. A non-person that
> she has to compete with for attention and she can't even give that non-
> person a piece of her mind! (Yes, this happens, but I won't make this longer
> with a real-life example). However, often, it seems to me, it is simply a
> matter of disrespect, a matter of assuming that the photographer male is
> inherently incapable of doing anything of value and worth other than bringing
> home the cash required to support the family. That if it is not the primary
> job,
> then it is something trivial, to be treated with scorn and not as a legitimate
> activity and interest. That the male must at all times be subservient to the
> needs of the family and spouse and have no interest to engage the mind
> outside that area of interest.
>
> Well, I have no patience with this treatment and frame of mind.
>
> But for those who wish to preserve a harmonious marriage as well as engage
> with respect in their hobby, what to do? You want to be taken seriously in
> this matter.
>
> After all the long rave above, all I can offer at this point is to suggest
> that you
> produce pictures worthy of admiration and have them framed and displayed
> in your home where all can see them. Insist there be a place made for some
> on your walls. Make them of good enough quality that they just MUST be
> admired.
>
> Insist in having some money of your own that you can use in pursuit of your
> interest without further question, that you have to answer for to no-body but
> yourself. And get on with it..
>
> This may of course just bring on another attack of "put down the male". And I
> have no answer that fits in, except to stand up for your rights to respect and
> to have an interest in what you believe in; and take the flak. But, here my
> limitations let me down and I don't know what could be best for others.
>
> Brian
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