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[OM] The Fine Art of Increasing the Value of Fine Art

Subject: [OM] The Fine Art of Increasing the Value of Fine Art
From: "John A. Lind" <jlind@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Mon, 28 Jul 2003 21:44:45 -0500
Although obliquely related to OM gear I thought I would post this to the list. A first cousin once removed (son of a cousin) mentioned he was seeking eccentric millionaires to buy some post-modern clay pieces he had made at a summer camp. He will be visiting us for a while in about a week. I sent him the following as a guide to the value of fine art sculpture and how he might maximize the value of his.

There are parallels with fine art photography, so I pass this on for your enlightenment and enjoyment . . .

OM Content:
You too can create fine art photography with your OM system!

XXXXX,
The Gallery Director of the Indiana University, Kokomo, Art Gallery is a personal acquaintance. I can introduce you to her as a newly discovered, up and coming sculptor . . . a child prodigy and rising star in the world of Fine Art.

John's Quick Guide to the Fine Art of Increasing the Value of Fine Art:

1.  Simplicity of line and shape:
Rounded, smooth surfaces with one curved line, two at the most, work best. An oval or oblong hole in an odd location somewhere off-center is a bonus. Value is inversely proportional to complexity of line, shape and texture.

2.  Abstraction:
The more it makes "normal" people wonder what it is, and why you made it, the more valuable it is. The value of artwork is directly proportional to its "enigma factor."

3.  Title:
Works in conjuntion with the abstraction. The best titles are formed by using a noun followed by a past-tense action verb, and then a two-digit ODD number: "Pyramid morphed #49" would work exquisitely to desribe a long twisted mass with only round surfaces, no sharp edges, no straight lines, and having an oblong hole somewhere. The more the sculpture makes them wonder how you got to it starting from a pyramid shape that it no longer bears any resemblance to, the better. The number makes them think you've done an entire series of different ones, studying the concept. Single-digit is no good; it's too early in the concept and implies it's too simplistic. Triple-digit implies you've studied it to death and should have moved on to another concept; that you're stuck in a rut and are likely at a nadir in your career. Two-digit though indicates a concept that's mature in your study of it, and therefore is at the zenith of sophistication and complexity.

4.  Hob-Nobbing with Patrons:
It is supremely important to be able to mix properly with the eccentric millionaires who think they know about art. Potential buyers want to meet the artist. Gallery directors want to put them on parade, as if they're one of the art pieces. You want to appear worldly and cosmopolitan, not provincial, and NOT from wherever you happen to be at the time, but from somewhere eles far away. But . . . you cannot let them get to know you too much. You must appear to be somewhat an enigma . . . that your brain is wired completely differently from the rest of the "normal" world . . . and that is how you attain the "artistic visions" for your works that mere mortals can never hope to achieve.

4a.  Attire:
Dress oddly. Not "geek" . . . just weird . . . there is a difference. Monotone works, especially all black (Fall/Winter) and very heavy in fabric weight, or all white (Spring/Summer) and very light in weight. Wear a hat. Not a ballcap! No beret!! Fall/Winter: trilby fedora; same color as monotone clothing. If it's cold, wear a trenchcoat or long heavy overcoat that falls below the knee. Spring/Summer: panama fedora. Regardless of season, wear a sport-coat: coarse-woven tweed, or even better, corduroy; denim might work if it's the right color; white linen may also work with monotone white. No blazers! Definitely no suits!!! Most definitely NO tie!!!! Turtle-neck (Winter only) or band collar. A coat must be worn as if it's a cape, and it's never taken off indoors, even if you're sweltering. In other words, you put it over your shoulders without putting your arms in the sleeves. This takes a bit of practice in moving about, sipping wine, nibbling on cheese cubes, and not letting it fall off your shoulders. Fitting your shoulders, nape of neck and draping down over your back well helps. That's all you need worry about in buying one. Sleeve length doesn't matter as you'll never use them, and proper taper at the waist isn't important as you'll never button it. Jackets or parkas are a NO NO! So are mittens, unless they're woven wool and have the ends cut off where the fingertips go. Use pinking shears to do this and play with the ends a bit as you want a bit of fray. Otherwise, it's leather dress gloves. Italian woven leather loafers work with white; Doc Martens with black. No sandals and no tennie-floppers. Socks are optional. Shoes are optional if you're sufficiently avant garde with the rest to get away with it.

4b.  Name Dropping:
Learn the names of the major, nationally known galleries. Learn the names of a half-dozen or so major, nationally known sculptors and a little about their work (style, school, etc.). Make and memorize an outline of the major periods of European and American sculpture, and the major historical "schools." Be able to drop a handful of famous names, at least two from each period. Europeans: know their nationalities. Americans: know their region (New England, Mid-West, Deep South, etc.).

4c.  Eloquence:
Learn what the "formal elements" are: point, line, shape, texture, value (light versus dark), color, space. Practice forming arcane and esoteric sentences mixing in these terms with artists names: "I admire how Edward Weston used nothing but shape and value to create a sense of depth and space in his still lifes." Speak about your works already being present in the masses of clay before you start; that you have a "vision" of what it is; and you simply remove the excess clay to reveal it. Avoid conversing long with those who have university degrees in Fine Art. They'll know more than you, ask probative questions about what you think about artists, "schools," periods and/or styles, and your facade will crumble.

Hope this helps!

-- John

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