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Re: [OM] IMG: Six film pics from Copenhagen

Subject: Re: [OM] IMG: Six film pics from Copenhagen
From: Andrew Fildes <afildes@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Fri, 18 Nov 2011 20:21:26 +1100
Mossies - yeah, the size of a small Cessna.
Snakes - you don't ever want to meet a Taipan or King Brown - none of that 
pussy rattling warning nonsense.
Spiders - Sydney Funnel Web is aggressive and kills fast. Redback hides under 
outdoor toilet seats and really gives you the sh*ts. Huntsman is non-venemous 
but gets you in a headlock and chews you a bit.
Sand Bur? We have tiny Sand Flies that will go straight through a flyscreen and 
bite the crap out of you.
Ticks - big fat ones designed to bite through reptile scales and potentially 
deadly to humans and dogs.
Scorpions - they're around but we don't worry much about them - the rest of the 
critters are much worse.
Beer - it doesn't keep the flies off but after a while, you don't care.
Hats - made from rabbit felt. If something tries to bite you, offer your hat. 
It'll give you a fighting chance. Most good hats are sweat stained and have a 
few tooth holes in them.
Grass fires - move faster than a man can run so you run back through them. Bush 
fires are a serious problem. I've heard that prayer or booze dulls the worry - 
or both.
Train tracks - across the Nullabor Desert - longest straight run in the world 
and then there's one curve - one.
Belching - see beer.
Beans - are for vegans. We eat steak and damper (look it up).
Fire ants - don't have. We have bull ants - bull for bulldog 'cos they don't 
let go. About two inches long and assertive. First time I met one I thought I'd 
stood on a red hot needle. Then there are the slightly smaller meat ants - 
guess why they're called that. Killed a nest of them once - it took several 
litres of diesel.

Self what? What dya mean? You looking for a stoush?

You forgot -
Lizards - Parenti get up to two metres and move fast. They'll go you. Goannas 
aren't quite as big but if they panic, they run up the nearest tall object - 
usually a tree but in the Nullabor (no-tree) it could be you. The big sharp 
claws hurt as they dig into your hat.
Saltwater Crocs (they would eat an alligator). 
- note: do not try the hat trick. Take a dog with you. They prefer dog to human.
Sea wasps and Irkandji - large and small jellyfish that cause agony so intense 
that it can kill.
Sharks, various. Been a few deaths by Great White this year.
Stonefish and Cone Shells - lethal.
Blue-ringed Octopus - equally so.
Summary - stay out of the water.

There's a reason that most of us cower in coastal cities - it's bloody scary 
out there.

Now if any of the above is expressed in an unfamiliar vernacular, check with 
Bazza O. - he just dropped in for a day and a bit on his way to Bali (planning 
a piss-up in Kuta Beach no doubt) and learned a bit of the local lingo. Mangled 
it a bit, but. 

Andrew Fildes
afildes@xxxxxxxxxxxxx



On 18/11/2011, at 2:03 PM, WayneS wrote:

> I'm sure everything in OZ could put a Texan to shame. skiters, snakes,
> spiders, sand burs, ticks, scorpions, beer, hats, grass fires, train tracks,
> belching, beans, farts, fire ants, and self aggrandizement.

-- 
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