Just received this message from my brother in law and thought you might also
have a laugh.
Wiliam.
Qantas Airlines: Repair Division
In case you need a laugh:
Remember, it takes a College Degree to fly a plane but only a High School
Diploma to fix one.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet'
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny............ (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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