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Re: [OM] Trust, Verify, And be Ready to Send in the Hounds

Subject: Re: [OM] Trust, Verify, And be Ready to Send in the Hounds
From: Dawid Loubser <dawid@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Tue, 8 May 2012 12:30:30 +0200
Ken, I've been through experiences like yours before, and have also  
learnt the hard way that you sometimes just cannot change people. Just  
move on, and rather expend your efforts on another person that does  
appreciate what you do for him/her.

Dawid


On 07 May 2012, at 11:42 PM, Ken Norton wrote:

> I'm a pretty trusting guy.  I believe in helping those who need help
> and all that. I also believe that it can be used as a teaching tool
> for those who are working on their trustworthiness. Honestly, it all
> works out in a positive manner most, (if not half, sometimes less), of
> the time. This one one of those cases where I'm not quite sure how low
> to rank it.
>
> It's too easy to go through life judging others. As my wife pastors a
> church, we have to take a very different stance on this. No judging
> allowed. Sizing a person up? Absolutely! But that's different. We have
> to be a judge of character for multiple reasons--child safety being a
> big concern, for example.
>
> So, a gentleman, who was a bit down on his luck (unemployed, freshly
> divorced, health issues, etc., etc., etc.), was interested in learning
> more about photography. I worked with him a bit, but the big limiting
> factor for him was no camera. As I've got more cameras than I can
> justify, I loaned him my Minolta A1. A couple weeks later, he pretty
> much disappears. The next contact from him is from jail where he's
> trying to get $150 for bail. (we did know where he was the whole time,
> though--this town isn't very big).
>
> Yes, this is going downhill fast.
>
> After spending some time talking with him and explaining why we don't
> have $150 laying around to bail him out, I encouraged him to walk the
> three blocks to church. "No excuse, bud, you CAN do this".
>
> A few weeks pass and he is still a no-show. Rumor has it that he's
> going to be moving out of state. Ugh. Time to act.
>
> So, I call him up and let him know that I'm selling some cameras and I
> need the A1 back. Not to leave him in a total lurch, I told him that I
> do have another one that he can just have. So, a $10 yard-sale camera
> became the trading card to get my camera back. Honestly, I haven't
> even looked at it yet. Haven't had time. But he said everything was in
> the bag, so I'll just have to trust him on it and that it's still
> operational.
>
> Once in a while, you can help somebody by being part of that trigger
> that changes a person's life. But not always. There are times when you
> have to recognize when somebody isn't ready to change. Honestly, the
> camera doesn't matter, nor does the $10 swap it cost me to get the A1
> back. Had he underwent a recognizable change in his life, I would have
> just given him the camera. When I loaned it to him, I really had no
> expectation of ever getting it back. But he underwent no change. His
> words did not adequately reflect his deeds.
>
> I learned many years ago that I cannot "rescue" people. I helped this
> individual in multiple ways, not just photography. No bitterness
> involved, just the recognition that success is not always dependant
> upon your own actions and deeds. Like I said, it comes with the
> territory of what my wife and I do. But part of that territory is
> knowing our boundaries AND when to send in the hounds.
>
> AG
> -- 
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