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Re: [OM] A bit of humour for my British and American friends

Subject: Re: [OM] A bit of humour for my British and American friends
From: Ken Norton <ken@xxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Mon, 7 Jan 2013 10:07:50 -0600
> To the citizens of the United States of America from Her ...Sovereign
> Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Didn't she give us "granny panties"?


> Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
> circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

Hmm. Not a bad idea, actually.


> 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,'
> 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell
> 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will
> be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to
> raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

You do realize that the average American can't spell those words
either way.  You'll "loose" that battle.


> 6. ...At the same time,
> you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
> conversion tables.

The joke is on you. We've actually been metric for a long, long, long
time. We just stick with "English measurements" in "pop culture" as a
means to remind you Brits that you gave into the superiority of the
French long ago. Sell outs, you. First you lose a little skirmish to
some drunkard farmers and ruffians, then you bend over and accept
defeat to the French with their measurement system. (by the way, the
reason why the USA didn't adopt the Metric system right away was
because we weren't invited to the meeting).


> 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
> good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
> play English characters.

At least American actors move their lips when they talk.


> 13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

Martians with vegetable peelers..


> 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
> monies due (backdated to 1776).

Good luck with that' 47% of our population is "on the dole" and you'd
have to assume our 16+ trillion dollar debt. China will be knocking on
your door next week calling in the loans.


-- 
Ken Norton
ken@xxxxxxxxxxx
http://www.zone-10.com
-- 
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