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[OM] John Cleese's analysis of recent events

Subject: [OM] John Cleese's analysis of recent events
From: Chuck Norcutt <chucknorcutt@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2013 17:55:14 -0400
Cc: Olympus Camera Discussion <olympus@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Friends tell me this wasn't really written by John Cleese but it's fun 
to read anyhow.  I thought you'd enjoy it.

Dad
----------------------------------------------------------------------

ALERTS TO THREATS
IN 2013 EUROPE

>From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria 
and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to 
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to 
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit 
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. 
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody 
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning 
level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they
have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France 
are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent 
fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing 
the country's military capability.


Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective 
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."


The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" 
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher 
levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only 
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish 
navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is
cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final
escalation level.


Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person

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