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Re: [OM] Vert and Sollie (from July 1998)

Subject: Re: [OM] Vert and Sollie (from July 1998)
From: Rick Beckrich <rbeckrich@xxxxxxxxx>
Date: Mon, 3 Mar 2014 10:10:51 -0500
M'thinks the snow is getting to you friend.


On Sun, Mar 2, 2014 at 6:48 PM, Ken Norton <ken@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

> Once upon a time, in a camera bag far far away sat a lonely Vivitar 2x
> Teleconverter.  This poor teleconverter, who we'll call Vert spent most of
> his time hiding away in the dark recesses of the bag, usually under a
> package of lens tissue.
>
> Vert was a sad teleconverter.  No matter how loud he cried out, the owner
> would rarely even acknowledge his existance other than to occasionally
> remove him from the bag to sit on the shelf for a while.  The owner was so
> spiteful to Vert that he would even remove the lens caps to use on some
> other "prime" lens whom he favored much more than poor little Vert.
>
> Vert knew that he was a disappointment to the owner who really wanted a
> Zuiko 1.4 teleconverter, but he hung in there anyway.  One day, Vert was
> hanging out with the big Soligar 400/5.6 lens but they got in trouble.
>  Vert
> should have been inside the bag where it was safe and quiet, but the bag
> fell.  While it was falling the Sollie the Soligar screemed in fear.  They
> were in the outside, unprotected pocket of the camera bag and were headed
> for the floor.  "HELP!!! WE'RE FALLING!!! cried Sollie and Vert, but to no
> avail.  The owner couldn't catch the bag in time.  BOOM.  They hit the
> floor.  Sollie knew that this was the end and he turn just a little to
> protect Vert from getting hurt.  As Sollie lay in pieces, Vert says "don't
> die, please don't die--I'm just too attached to you for you to die."  But
> Sollie wheezed his last, blinked his big iris one last time and gave his
> life for his little friend Vert who made Sollie twice as powerful as
> without
> him.
>
> Vert spent much time on the shelf trying to recover from this terrible
> tragedy and even hung out with a bad crowd of aftermarket zooms.  But Vert
> was never accepted and always pushed to the side and left to collect dust.
>
> One day, there was a rumour in the camp.  A rumour that a new lens was
> coming.  "I hear that it's going to be another wide angle" said the 24/2.4
> in fear, since he was the 'favored' child.  "No" said the 100/2.8, "I hear
> that it's going to be another zoom."  Omer, the OM-1, said "you are both
> wrong, I found out that it's going to be a 200/2.8."  This got everybody
> excited since there hadn't been a 200 in their midst for years--ever since
> Franky had met death on a rock face.
>
> "OK, EVERYBODY LINE UP OVER THERE.  I'M IN CHARGE NOW" barked the Soligar
> 200/2.8 as he pushed his way into the bag.  "I'M The Biggest, Baddest,
> Meenest Lens around this rinkydink operation.  Everybody SHAPE UP.  You
> over
> there, clean that skylight filter.  How dare it be so dirty."   "My name is
> Sue--That's right, a lens named Sue."   (sorry country music fans, I
> couldn't resist <g>)  "...And this is my assistant Toky."   In walked Toky,
> a Tokina 2x teleconverter.  A gasp went through the bag and everybody
> started talking at once.  "Whatever will happen to Vert now that Toky is
> here?"
>
> Vert again was sent to the shelf where he was left exposed to the elements.
> At one time he was even attached to the 50/1.4 when it needed a rear lens
> cap.  Oh, the disgrace--to be forgotten, unloved and neglected.  Vert
> decided to try killing himself by rolling of the shelf, but Veronica Velvia
> stood in the way and convinced him to stay.  "Just wait, your day will
> come.
> Toky won't be the assistant forever."
>
> One winter day the owner snatches Vert of the shelf and stuffs him in the
> camera bag.  "Oh, wow, where am I going?  Is this it?  Will he drop me off
> in the junk bin where I'll die?  Will he use me?"  Poor Vert was just a
> bundle of nerves as he didn't know what was happening.
>
> "MORE POWER, I NEED MORE POWER!" yelled Sue.  "Toky, you are just not
> enough.  How can I be strong enough to take pictures of these eagles if you
> try by yourself to help me.  I need more power!   Vert, come here.  Attach
> yourself to Toky here and give me a hand."
>
> So restarted Vert's career again as a teleconverter.  But every time Sue
> needed more power he didn't know who to use.  Neither Toky nor Vert had any
> job security now.  They would fight with each other for space in the camera
> bag--as there was only room for one of them.
>
> "Well, I've always worked with Toky, but let's have a contest to see who is
> the better choice to be my assistant.  Will it be Toky?  Or will it be
> Vert?"  said Sue.  "This will be a contest to see who can fulfill my
> desires
> to be a 400."
>
> "The winner of the contest gets to be my assistant.  The loser must undergo
> a frontal-lobotomy to remove the elements and become an extension tube."
> Cries of protests arose from the camera bag, but to no avail.  The decision
> was made and there was no backing out of it.
>
> The day of the contest was to arrive.  Who will win the contest?  Who will
> undergo the terrible surgery and embarrasement?  Will justice be served?
> Are the Spacemen visible with the 2-series screens or just the 1-12 screen?
> These and other questions will be answered on our next episode of "As the
> Focus Ring Turns."
>
> [announcer credits]
>
> "Today's episode of "As the Focus Ring Turns" is brought to you by "Tissue
> Plus".  Tissue Plus says that there is no better lens wipe than Tissue
> Plus.
> Also, by "Trojan Body Caps."  Trojans is the source for body caps.  Do you
> have a camera body that needs super protection from those aftermarket
> zooms?
> Try Trojans."
>
> "This is Oly Empius for 'As the focus Ring Turns.'  See you next time."
>
>
> --
> Ken Norton
> ken@xxxxxxxxxxx
> http://www.zone-10.com
> --
> _________________________________________________________________
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>
>
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